THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
