did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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