literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
