She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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