I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
