Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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