his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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