Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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