The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
