I can't breathe out the right side of my face
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
