she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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