What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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