I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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