I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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