Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
