I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
