she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
