yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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