Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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