The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I would fuck him just for his dog
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
