Only a mothe r could love this liver
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
