What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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