You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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