My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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