you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
