Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
