im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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