my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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