Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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