She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
