Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
