it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
