The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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