FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
