Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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