dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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