Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
