we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
