just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize