Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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