Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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