How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
