Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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