it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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