So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
