Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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