So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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