We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
