Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
