im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
