i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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