i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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