i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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