Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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