why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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