when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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