He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
