Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize