Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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