there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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