I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
