Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
