Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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