I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
