If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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