All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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