you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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