I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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