Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
