Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
