so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
