but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
