I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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