4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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