If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize