please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
