We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
