barbara walters just said penis...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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